The Tall Trump Card

trump cardI find that there are times when coworkers, friends and strangers complain about certain things and I can’t help but put my two cents in. They talk about how hard it is to find clothes and shoes and how they hate shopping and I feel an overwhelming need to play what I like to call my “tall trump card”. The tall trump card is an instant conversation ender. Rendering the complainer utterly speechless.

Don’t get me wrong. I am very blessed to be tall but I just feel like they really don’t have the right to complain. I feel like I gotta show ’em who is boss and share some things from my perspective. Bottom line: Don’t complain around me. I will win every time. A few examples:

My Co-workers were talking once about how they hate shopping for shoes. “It is so frustrating,” they said. “I can’t find anything I like,” they moaned. I hit them with “I wear a size 13”. BOOM! Conversation over.

“I hate shopping I can never find anything that fits”
First of all, at least you can shop in an actual store. Second, try looking for a wide selection of size 13 shoes in a store. Impossible. So shut up.

“My feet are freakishly big”
Are you kidding me? You wear an 8. Have your feet grow 5 sizes then we’ll talk.

“I’m so tall! I mean guys are too short for me.”
*Evil eye* You’re 5’9″ take a seat.

“I don’t like short guys. I only date tall guys.”
You are 5’3″! So stop it. Just stop.

You could probably use the tall trump card in non-tall related conversations. It is still just as effective, I think. Like:

“Starbucks messed up my order!”
I’ve been this height since I was 10.

“There are avocados in my salad! I hate avocados!”
Have anyone ever screamed at the sight of you because you were so freakishly tall? Well me neither but it could happen. People do seem pretty shocked when they see me.

What can you say after that? Absolutely nothing.

I’m aware that all this makes me sound like a jaded, salty old lady. Pretty soon I’ll be hitting em with “I walked to school barefoot in the snow because I had no shoes to fit my feet”. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. At least they will know better to come at me with that foolishness.

So, have you ever felt the need to play the tall trump card? Tell me about it in the comments below!

Until next time,

Elayna

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