I feel like I should recap the last post so that everyone is up to speed. I grew about 7 inches in between the 5th and 6th grades. I wore a size 12 shoe and due to the lack of choices in fashion back then, I was pretty much stuck wearing ill fitting clothes and men’s tennis shoes all day every day. Not only was I always taller than everyone else, but I forgot to mention last time that I was also always younger (I skipped the first grade). I’ve never dated (I haven’t had much choice in that department) and I tend to be a tad introverted. I don’t talk much. In group situations, where I don’t know anyone, I tend to close up. Which is not good I know. Being shy does not help awkwardness.
But in spite of it all, I have to look at the good things. You can’t throw yourself a pity party just because you are different than everyone else. You can’t change being tall, you should instead find other things that you like about yourself. We all have gifts and talents, focus on those.
As for me, I’ve always loved drawing and doodling but it wasn’t until high school when I took more serious art classes. I took everything from ceramics, to sculpture, to photography and painting. I have a passion for all things art and it doesn’t have anything to do with my height. I think art helped me become a more well rounded person. I started to define myself not in spite of my height, because it is not a barrier or a road block, but with it and fully embracing it. Yes, I am tall, but that is not all that I am.
I graduated high school at 17 and then went to an art school where I studied graphic design and advertising. I loved it. I met a lot of great people who had similar interests and aspirations. I began to interact more with others and coming out of the shell I built for myself. Like I said before, I am quiet. I am not a mingler nor am I one for small talk. So forcing myself to talk to people has helped. Just a simple, “Hi, How are you doing today” does wonders.
I enjoyed my classes in college and learned a lot. I started to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life. Soon after I graduated, I got my first real job. This added to my confidence; doing something that I love and am good at. It sharpened the focus on my goals.
I think what helped most of all was getting back in church when I was 19 after a long absence. I realized that I am not just a wall of meat but I am just the way that God wants me to be and I rejoiced in that. He made me the way I am for a very specific reason and purpose. He loves me unconditionally. No matter what I do and how I look He loves me. And I should love me the same way. We all wish we could change something about ourselves. “I wish I was thinner, prettier and etc.” But I heard someone say if nothing about you changes, can you still love yourself? And you can’t change being tall so what is the point of fighting against it? It is a waste of time and energy. Aren’t you tired yet?
Admittedly, I still have my awkward moments like at parties…I never know what to say! But the point is to push past it. Public speaking is another vice of mine. Which you’d think I’d be used to a bunch of people staring at me by now…I’m getting better though. It is a process, an ever-going process. I must stress though that I will never try to be something I am not. I am not a social butterfly and I never will be. But as mom tells me, “You can’t live this life by yourself”. So I have to open up and put myself out there. I shared my story to say that yes, everyone goes through their awkward phase but what matters is how you overcome it. So keep your head up and keep being you.